Heyy :L

I know that I haven’t posted in a long time since we’ve talked, sooo how are you? Good, good. Me? Well … er, how about we just talk about you… No? *Sigh* Fine.. If You must know, my life has been at its most grayest place EVER.

Long Story Short, Blake had erm, some flaws. Okay just one BIG one. He did illegal drugs -_- I was so ticked when I found this out from his friend. So, I broke up with him. It brought both of us a great amount of pain. But, my parents had convinced me that it was the right thing to do … which is why it hurt so bad. But… I stayed up CRYING for hours on end because Blake had molded himself around my heart so tight, and I had ripped him off my self. He was the fixture to my heart, and I had ripped my band aid off like he never mattered to me. Of course my parents didn’t care. All that mattered was that the drugee was as far away from me as possible. However, I wanted to stay by Blake’s side and get him some help, but for some reason that is a “horrible” idea :l So, I endured the pain and played up a fake smile for Jacy and my other friends. Most importantly, my mother. I worry about my Mom because she’s always asking for the truth, but she only wants what she THINKS is the truth. She asks me if I’m okay and I say no … She then chews me out about how I need to stop being so depressed. Which just made me burst into tears. I want to be happy, I HONESTLY do. Yet, how happy can a person be when their heart has been crushed, stitched, then had every stitch ripped from their hold? Not very.

But as time went on I begun to heal, day by day. It took effort and hope for tomorrow. Until Blake texted me.. “Y you dump me?” It reads.. I take a huge sigh .. this is why it’s so hard. Blake doesn’t WANT me to go, he’s fighting for me which no guy has EVER done to me..

Me: “You Never Loved Me.”

Blake: “Bull shit. I’m gonna die anyways so whatever emily.”

His words stung me like a spiked whip lashing it’s thin tongue against my heart.

Me: “I bet so, drugs dont exactly make you live LONGER Blake.. And if you did love me you didnt show it too well.”

The conversation drags on with alot of confessions from both of us but out of it I just ended up with fresher cuts and more confused/conflicted than I ever was. Blake was telling me all these things like he’s always loved me and that he went to rehab for me, and that he didn’t want to live without me.

Why am I so conflicted, you most likely asked. Well, I kind of went a little over dramatic with the whole “Blake doing drugs” and so my parents think he’s like some physco path or something. And I believed in some rumors which might be the truth but I don’t know who to believe in cause I JUST met Blake and also the guy whose been telling me all the truths Blake doesn’t want me to know.

*Sigh* But, I don’t really wanna talk about it right now..

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So, as you might notice my blog has become a bit [okay ALOT] out of date. Which I apologize for. I sometimes forget that I have a bunch of these people who actually worry and care about me. :’) Not use to it. But I promise that I plan on giving our blog the makeover is so rightfully deserve. The theme? Simple. It’s a holiday that has really been looked over this year, so to show THANKSGIVING that there are still some people that remember them; that shall be our new theme. Although it might turn out just looking like a fall theme…still. I’m gonna at least try.

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So just a warning.. Breaking Dawn is coming out into theaters in only 13 DAYS! So my obsessive, psycho Twi-Hard part of me is going to be ON. I’m SO excited. It might just be a movie where Bella gets pregnant, but for people who have read the books have been waiting YEARS for this movie. I’m not hating on people who think of Breaking Dawn as that, but you can never judge a movie until you read the book its based on. Just like I’ve never read the Harry Potter series [don't hate me Shadow xD] so I cant really share my oppinion of it.

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School has been… exhausting. Everyday there’s a bunch of drama [dating] that is just… ugh SO annoying! -_-

But, luckily, I have a Jacy to help me through it all. D

Well, I gotta go. Im watching Wizard of Oz with my family, such great times <3